How do I stop avoidance and procrastination when anxious?
Anxiety, avoidance, and procrastination are deeply connected: anxiety often fuels avoidance, and procrastination becomes the go-to coping strategy. This cycle of fear of discomfort/ failure leads to delaying tasks (which feels good in the moment but creates more anxiety). Start to break this cycle by staying with anxiety (letting it fade) and taking imperfect, messy action. Discover other helpful tools to lessen avoidance behaviours and self-sabotage. (24.5.25.)
Is numbing out just a way to avoid anxiety?
From personal experience, I've found motherhood stressful. Yes, there are cute moments when the baby is so cute I want to squeeze him tight, and then there are the tantrums, the meltdowns, the toddler “I want what I want and I want it now” days.
Joy sits with frustration, as easily as happiness sits with boredom. Two very different emotions can go hand in hand with one another (or, as influencers say, “Two conflicting emotions can co-exist”).
Even at playgroup, my phone tempts me to scroll and escape. It's a quick dopamine hit, pulling me away from my daily routine into an easier world.
If we know procrastination and distractions aren't helpful, why do we still do them? Often, they’re ways to escape uncomfortable emotions. It’s not weakness—these habits are usually unconscious coping tools. The first step is to notice when we’re avoiding or numbing out difficult feelings. Then we can start to choose differently next time.
Why don’t we face our fears or difficult feelings?
I worry I’ll be seen as annoying or complaining, so I keep it in. But when I don’t let it out, it builds up and turns into resentment or anger. Smiling and saying, “everything’s fine”, is just easier.
Facing emotions like fear, shame, or anger can feel too heavy. We often learn these feelings are "bad" or unsafe, so we avoid them to protect ourselves. They can be unpacked in therapy, but in real lif,e it can be too emotionally exhausting for others to listen to.
Also, dysregulation can affect our functioning negatively, causing us to feel anxious and depressed. A study by Carpenter & Trull (2013) found that individuals with emotional dysregulation often experience more severe symptoms of depression and anxiety.
These individuals struggle with identifying and understanding their emotions in the moment, which contributes to greater emotional distress and difficulty managing daily life.
Our minds protect us, compartmentalising difficulties to function better. Feeling emotionally overwhelmed and dysregulated can make daily tasks harder. Intense emotions can last longer than expected and feel out of proportion, making it difficult to think clearly, respond calmly, or function well in relationships and everyday tasks.
And this is why we don’t want to face our fears. Because being dysregulated can be exhausting.
How is procrastination a coping strategy to avoid anxiety?
When I grab my phone to avoid a boring task, I’m procrastinating (delaying tasks even though I know they need to be done). By choosing quick distractions instead, I’m pushing away feelings like fear of failing, self-doubt, or pressure to do well. However, avoiding the task only makes me more anxious later because the work piles up.
Procrastination, for me, is a failure to self-regulate anxiety and fear of failure, driven by a need for instant relief. The “feel good now” drive ensures I avoid discomfort or anxiety, overestimating how hard the task will be. The immediate relief gained from procrastinating acts as a reward, reinforcing the avoidance habit.
Procrastination is an anxious coping strategy to avoid the task, struggle, and any negative feelings linked with it. Doing easier tasks feels good, although by not challenging ourselves, anxiety can grow.
What is future-forecasting, and how does it link with anxiety and procrastination?
When we "future forecast" about a task, our minds often jump to potential negative emotions or difficulties. We imagine the frustration, the effort, or even the possibility of failure.
This imagined future creates anxiety in the present. To escape this immediate discomfort, our brain opts for the quick relief of procrastination.
By delaying the task, we temporarily avoid those uncomfortable feelings, even though it often makes the actual task harder and more stressful later. It's a short-term mood fix that creates a long-term problem.
It’s been found that “Individuals who are self-critical... are more likely to postpone working on an assignment, leading to higher stress and lower academic performance" (Sirois, 2014). This suggests that having high expectations and perfectionist standards can add pressure, resulting in more avoidance and procrastination.
An easy antidote to negatively future forecasting (or the pressure to do something perfectly) is to give ourselves compassion. It's ok to mess up, do things imperfectly, and go slow. By lowering our standards, we can just start now and learn as we go.
How do I face my fear of discomfort?
As Timothy A. Pychyl PhD, author of Solving the Procrastination Puzzle notes:
"Recognise your negative emotions: Knowledge is power... The first step is to recognise that this task makes you feel awful and that you want to run away from your discomfort. Stay put and deal with the sense of unease."
Stay put with this unease until it’s over. It will pass. Notice the ways you want to act out to numb, avoid or distract yourself. Override this by staying present and witnessing the strong desire to procrastinate until it fades.
You can set a specific intention for how you'll act when you want to procrastinate. For example, I know that tedious tasks make me want to tidy up instead. In this case, I can tell myself: “When I want to avoid this task, I will break it into tiny, easy steps and go slow. I will not avoid or run away from it."
Start taking action by:
Stay with discomfort: When doing something new, you’ll likely feel anxiety. Your body and brain will react by wanting to go back to comfort. Stay with the fear and push through to the other side. Go forth (not back).
Notice when you want to bail: Each time you avoid a task or numb yourself out, draw a circle on a notepad. See how many circles you have by the end of the day. Simple awareness can urge you to stop.
Be realistic and repeat: Just start small, and keep repeating the action you want. Don't expect perfection; you'll likely mess up, feel anxiety, and that’s fine. Focus on staying consistent, looking for the small win.
How do I want to feel? When avoiding a task, ask this question. Do you want to feel proud or capable? Focus on that feeling. Lean into the fear, knowing that taking action, even when scared, builds up self-esteem.
How can I make it easier for myself to take action?
Anxiety isn't easily overcome. It's crucial to speak with a therapist to find its root cause. For me, it's perfectionism, control, and stress-regulation issues. For you, it might stem from childhood, trauma, or life's difficulties. Anxiety is complex; talking helps clarify underlying issues, bringing awareness to be able to try new helpful habits.
Anxious? Book your free 30-minute therapy call and see if we’re a good “therapy match.”
Start taking action by:
Strong future self: Switch “best-self” to “strong-self.” Imagine a stronger version of you supporting and encouraging you to go for it. This strength doesn’t need to be perfect and turns negatives into positives.
Prepare for your lazy self: Assume you'll be just as unmotivated tomorrow. Make tasks incredibly easy for yourself. If you plan to run, lay out your running gear the night before.
5-second rule: Popularised by Mel Robbins, move within five seconds or your brain will kill the idea. It's a method to beat procrastination by pushing yourself to act before self-doubt takes over.
Microshifts: To avoid fear and self-sabotage when making changes, start small. Brianna Wiest in “The Mountain is You” refers to Microshifts, which are tiny, incremental changes in your daily life. For instance, alter one part of one meal just once, then repeat it. Before you know it, you've formed a new habit.
References:
Carpenter, R. W., & Trull, T. J. (2013). Components of emotion dysregulation in borderline personality disorder: A review. Current Psychiatry Reports, 15(1), 335. https://doi.org/10.1007/s11920-012-0335-2
Pychyl, T. A. (2013). Solving the procrastination puzzle: A concise guide to strategies for change. Penguin Group.
Wiest, B. (2020). The mountain is you: Transforming self-sabotage into self-mastery. Thought Catalog Books.
Sirois, F. M. (2014). Procrastination and health: An updated review. European Psychologist, 19(2), 167–181. https://doi.org/10.1027/1016-9040/a000181 (While not directly about future forecasting, this quote highlights how negative self-perception, often tied to predicted failure, fuels procrastination and increases anxiety).
#procrastination #avoidance #therapy #onlinetherapy #anxiety #challengeanxiety #takeaction #OvercomingProcrastination #ProcrastinationHelp #EmotionalAvoidance #SelfSabotageSolutions #PerfectionismAndAnxiety #AvoidanceBehavior #StressAndProcrastination #FearOfFailure #SelfSabotage